Right Kind of Wrong
by singsongsung
Summary: AU. Nathan/Peyton with LP, BL, JP, and JH. A different way that relationships could have developed. Sometimes the things that seem the worst can turn out to be the best.


**A/N: **Alright, so this is AU. The basic backstory of Karen/Dan/Deb is the same. Lucas and Peyton grew up together away from Tree Hill – that history is explained within. Nathan, Brooke, Jake, and Haley have all grown up in Tree Hill together, the boys playing basketball and the girls cheering. I think the rest will make sense as you read. Lyrics are from Leann Rimes' _The Right Kind of Wrong_ – I haven't listened to this song in years, but I really thought that it fit. And it's so catchy!

The BL was weird to write. But I think I pulled it off.

This is very long. It woke me up in the middle of the night and would not stop writing itself. I spent hours and hours on it instead of sleeping. So reviews would be lovely. Just saying.

_**i**__. I know all about_

_yeah, about your reputation_

"Hey, hot stuff."

Peyton jumped about a foot into the air as Lucas came up behind her, playfully flicking her with his sweater before he balled it up and shoved it into his bag.

"You're such a creep, you know that?" she asked him, though fondly. She batted his hands away and folded his sweater and placed it in his gym bag neatly. "First basketball practice, Scott. You ready for this?"

He chuckled, taking in her short cheerleading skirt and the blue and white ribbons in her hair. "I could ask you the same thing. I can't believe you're going to cheer here, too." He grinned. "Why don't you just admit that you love it?"

She zipped up his bag for him. "Never." She shoved the bag into his arms and pushed him out the door. She'd fought him hard for the room that had a direct entrance to the outside, but in the end he'd argued that it was _safer_ if he took it, and she hadn't had a way to rebuke that. "Now let's move."

He laughed as he threw his bag into the backseat of the car and slipped into the driver's seat. "I forgot how _cheery_ you are."

"Will you shut up and drive?" She regretted her words the instant he began singing Rihanna's song of the same name, way off key, though he did oblige her, backing out of the driveway smoothly.

"Be honest with me?" he requested as he drove down the streets of the small town that was new to them both, though he had been born there.

"Of course."

"How do you like it so far? Tree Hill, I mean."

"It's very…" She searched for a word, settling on, "_Quaint_."

Lucas laughed to himself, glancing at her in his peripheral vision. "You've been cynical since you were three years old, you know that?"

"Whatever." She smiled softly. "What about you, Luke? I know that this town has its…history…for you."

"You mean the guy who got my mother pregnant, and then, three months later got another girl pregnant, leaving my mom all alone and forcing her to leave town and raise me on her own? And now we're back, where said by, now the mayor, and his non-illegitimate child still live?"

She rolled her eyes, reaching over to rest her hand over his on the gearshift, giving it a supportive squeeze. "Yes, that is what I meant. I was trying to be a little more subtle."

He steered smoothly into a spot in the local high school's parking lot. "I'm gonna be okay. And you are, too, for the record."

He knew her so well. She cracked a smile. "Let's do this," she said with a sigh.

"Don't act so excited," he teased, looping his arm around her shoulders as they walked into the gym.

"Ohmygod," she murmured in one quick breath the moment they walked in. It all seemed to happen in an instant.

A boy got a basket. He turned toward the entrance, grinning, utterly full of himself. Her artist's eyes noted that he was an entirely beautiful boy, but the familiar features in his face popped out at her on an even larger scale. Lucas' blue eyes stared out of her from this boy's face, made even more noticeable by the way they contrasted with his dark hair.

On instinct, she grasped Lucas' hand in her own. "That's your…brother," she whispered, though the words were unnecessary. It was so obvious that it made her heart ache on his behalf.

He clung to her hand in a way that she wasn't used to. He normally took care of her, not the other way around.

"You gonna be okay?" she asked him breathlessly, unable to tear her eyes away from the other Scott boy, so familiar and yet so foreign in her eyes.

"Yeah. Sure. I will be."

_**ii**__. and now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation_

"Hey, superstar," Peyton said softly, affection seeping into her voice as she took a seat on the bleachers next to Lucas. "You did good, Luke."

"Yeah?" he asked, still breathless as he mopped sweat from his brow and chugged water from his bottle.

"Yeah," she assured him, resting her arm on his leg so that she could prop her chin in her hand. "But you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You know that, right?"

He smiled at her, both patient and affectionate. "I love ya, Peyt, you know that?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "Back atcha." She leaned up, kissing his cheek. "And I meant what you said. You rocked it today."

"As did you," he replied, nudging her body lightly with knee. His eyes drifted across the gym, focusing on the spot where most of Peyton's fellow cheerleaders stood. He whistled softly. "Damn, she's beautiful."

Peyton smiled to herself. One of her favourite things about Lucas was that he was the kind of guy who said 'beautiful' rather than 'hot'. "Who?" She attempted to follow his gaze and her eyebrows flew up. "_Brooke Davis_?"

He frowned at her. "What's with the tone?"

She laughed. "Oh, Lukey –"

"How many times do I have to ask you not to call me that?"

Ignoring him, she continued laughingly, "You don't have a chance in hell with her."

"Oh yeah?"

"_Oh_, yeah."

He patted her arm as he stood up. "We'll see about that." He lifted his eyebrows and she shook her head, watching him expectantly as he walked over the cheerleading captain and introduced himself. She followed his path with her eyes, green orbs sparkling lightly with concern. He could take care of himself, she knew. She just worried about him, especially considering…

Considering his half-brother was walking toward her.

_**iii**__. but I can't help it if_

_I'm helpless every time that I'm_

_where you are_

"Sup, Sawyer?" he asked her, his tone lazy, his eyes dancing with something between amusement and curiosity.

She didn't even bother asking how he knew her surname. He was at the top of the social ladder and she was new in school, a nobody – but then again, it was clear that she associated with his brother, and that had to intrigue him. "Hi," she said simply, sizing him up.

He sat next to her without asking or waiting for any sort of offer, occupying the spot Lucas had been only moments before. He sat close, his leg brushing hers. Uncomfortable with this invasion of personal space, she inched away, but he moved with her. She shot him a glare that he rebuked with a heart-stopping grin.

"So what's your deal, new girl?"

"My _deal_?" she asked, eyebrows flying upward, sarcasm seeping into her words.

He chuckled, exuding self-confidence. "You know, Sawyer, you haven't got a lot of spirit, but you definitely have attitude."

"Oh, and you don't?"

Holding up his hands as if to prove his innocence, he said: "I'm just trying to get to know you."

"I have feeling that when you _get to know_ girls, you're usually doing something a little different with your mouth than talking."

His smile grew even more and it blew her away. "If that's how you want to do it."

She shook her head, reaching for her bag. "I'm out of here."

"Hey, no." He placed his hand on her arm, more gently than she would have expected. "I'm sorry. Stay. I'll be good, I promise."

Peyton didn't know what it was that compelled her to say yes to him, but she did. She relaxed and nodded reluctantly.

"So, uh, what's up with you and my bro?" It shocked her to hear him refer to Lucas like that, and her eyes flew over to lock with his. Catching her surprise, he elaborated, "I hear you're shacked up."

A laugh escaped her lips. "Not exactly."

"You're not living together, or you're not together at all?"

"We're living together, but we're not _together_." Feeling daring, she demanded, "Why? Do you not want us to be?"

He smirked. "Just asking a question, sweetheart."

She frowned at the term of endearment, but gave him her story nonetheless. "My mom died."

"I'm sorry."

She was startled to hear those words come from his mouth so sincerely, and her frown flipped itself around. "It was a long time ago. But thank you." She bit her lower lip. "Anyway, Luke and I had always been friends, and my dad works for dredging company so he was always away, in the Atlantic. He's in New Zealand right now, actually. The point is that Karen – Lucas' mom – took me in when I was nine, and she's been like a mother to me ever since. She's amazing."

The look he gave her was long and hard, and she remembered that she was describing the woman his father had left. "And why the move? Back to Tree Hill?"

She swallowed hard. "There, um…there was a shooting. At our school. I, um…I got shot, and Lucas ran back in for me. And his uncle…I mean, well, your uncle…" She trailed off awkwardly, unsure of how to continue. "I'm sorry," she finally said.

He smiled. "I didn't really know him. But thank you."

"They were going to get married. Karen and Keith. And after the shooting…everything was just such a mess. Karen decided that…she needed to go home. Familiarity and a fresh start all at once. She started packing as soon as I got out of the hospital and a month later…here we are."

"She's cool with you and her son and all your hormones living under the same roof?"

Peyton grinned. "Luke and I are just friends."

"He ran into a building with a gunman in it for you. That sounds like more than friendship."

"My relationship with Lucas…means everything to me. But we are just friends, nothing more."

He pushed her on it. "You've never even had a moment where you felt sparks or something?"

"Maybe…there was _one _moment of weakness," she admitted, flashing back to that day, sitting on the floor of the library with him by her side. "But it's never been romantic."

"And what do you know about romance?" he asked, eyebrows raised, a teasing smile on his lips. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him.

"Peyton!" She jumped at the sound of Lucas calling her name. He'd finished his conversation with Brooke and was now staring at her incredulously, his posture defensive.

"Coming!" she called back, her eyes darting back and forth between the brothers. "I…I have to go," she told Lucas' half-brother, gathering up her things in a flustered rush.

"Yeah…" he agreed lazily. "Looks like your boyfriend's jealous."

"He's not my –" She sighed, giving up. "Never mind," she muttered, turning on her heel to walk away.

"Hey." He reached out, grasping her hand. She had no choice but to turn back around, hesitantly meeting his eyes. He grinned. "My name's Nathan, by the way."

_**iv**__. you walk in and my strength walks_

_out the door_

"I don't want you around him."

Peyton set the last glass back onto the shelf in the cupboard, closing it as she turned to face him. He was still sitting at the kitchen table, half-eaten breakfast of eggs and toast in front of him. "Lucas, come on."

"Peyton, please."

"Don't do that," she groaned. "It's not fair when you beg; I can't say no!"

"Oh, yeah?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. He stood up, approaching her with a menacing gleam in his eye.

"Luke…Lucas, no – Luke!" she shrieked as he attacked her, tickling her mercilessly.

Karen popped her head in and spoke over Peyton's giggling: "School! Ten minutes! Let's move, you two."

Fifteen minutes later they were hurriedly walking, footsteps in sync, down the main hallway of Tree Hill high. Their surnames were so close is alphabetical order that their lockers were right by one another's.

And of course, right by Nathan's.

Even though they were all late, he meandered down the hallway without a care in the world, backpack slung over one of his shoulders.

"Sawyer," he greeted her, completely ignoring Lucas.

"Don't you have class?" she replied quickly without meeting his eyes. She desperately wanted to avoid confrontation between the half-brothers.

"So do you," Nathan said easily. She wondered if he ever lost his confidence. He glanced at Lucas momentarily. "Being late. Great first impression," he snarked.

"_Hey_," Peyton said sharply, locking eyes with him solely to glare.

Lucas slammed his locker shut, growling, "Screw you." He took a couple steps away and asked pointedly, "_Peyton_?"

"I…" She gave him a helpless look, blatantly using to her advantage the fact that he was a sucker for her saddest eyes. "I still need my Bio book…"

He shook his head disdainfully, but the disgust in his eyes softened until it was almost gone. "Whatever. See you later."

Peyton yanked her Biology textbook out of her locker and smacked Nathan's arm with it.

"_Ow_! What the hell was that for?"

"Are you always this much of an ass?" she hissed. "What _was_ that? You don't even know him!"

"He shares my DNA," Nathan muttered, rubbing his arm, and all of a sudden she saw it, the loss of confidence, the sudden vulnerability in his familiar blue eyes.

She exhaled and told herself to calm her defensiveness down. "I know. I know, and that sucks…for both of you, to have to deal with this right now, but so help me God, Nathan, you are _not_ going to be a dick to him."

He grinned at her, cocky attitude back in place. "You sound like a girlfriend."

"Oh, God! For the last time –"

"You sure you don't have _moments of weakness_ with him all the time?" he asked mockingly.

"Yes, I'm sure! I think I know myself, thanks."

"You think that, do you? Well, how 'bout you tell me how you feel _right now_?"

She sized him up in her peripheral vision. "What do you…"

Gently, slowly, he plucked the book out of her hands and let it fall to the floor. Before she could even protest, he moved his entire body in front of hers, effectively backing her into the lockers. The locks rattled when her body made contact. He placed his arms on either side of her, effectively trapping her there, and her breathing got shallower. He leaned in close, his nose practically brushing hers, and she could practically feel her eyes getting glassy as she licked her lips, unable to resist the urge.

He tilted his head, leaning in even closer as his lips barely brushed the shell of her ear. His hand came to rest on her hip on the opposite side of her body, and her hands clutched lightly at the fabric of his shirt. His breath was hot against her neck, sending a shiver rushing down her spine and setting butterflies loose in her stomach.

"_You're looking pretty damn weak to me right now, Sawyer_."

_**v**__. say my name_

_and I can't fight it anymore_

Lucas, overachiever that he was, skipped out on Biology all together because he already had the credits from his old school and took AP Chemistry. Peyton, with her brain much more capable of dealing with artistic subjects, took both courses at an average level, just enough to get her the science credits to graduate.

Nathan, the school's MVP, was doing the same. Of course.

Some cosmic force was screwing with her, she was sure. Both of her classes had uneven numbers of students – seventeen and twenty-one, respectively. Both of her classes contained no students with last names past the letter 'S'.

And so Sawyer partnered with Scott. She cursed Lucas and his advanced IQ as she dutifully took the seat next to Nathan in both classes, ignoring the jealous and inquisitive looks the other girls shot her.

"Hey, partner," he greeted her with an emphasized Southern accent, tilting his imaginary hat and smirking. She could hardly look at him without feeling heat rise to her cheeks.

She'd entered the school year at the point of DNA in Biology, and her first class was all about genetics. She scribbled notes frantically, trying to ignore the awkward way the teacher attempted to get through the whole lesson without once saying the word _sex_. Meet, get to know each other intimately, become very close friends…finally he settled on _intercourse_, wincing noticeably.

Nathan watched her the entire time. She huffed and sighed and fidgeted in her chair, determined not to stop blushing as his gaze remained trained on her hands, the artistic, sloping way she wrote. She felt his eyes travel up her arm, lingering on her bony elbow and travelling up further and further until he was finally looking right at her face. Then his gaze drifted back down again and his focus was once again on her hands.

She couldn't stand it. Finally, she tore a piece of paper from her notebook aggressively and scribbled him a note. The one advantage she had was her natural talent with anything she put to paper – she could make even her writing look knowing and flirtatious.

_Stop thinking about what it would be like if I gave you a hand job. Never going to happen_.

His eyebrows flew up and he practically choked on his own spit when he read it. She met his incredulous stare with a frown. "I think I've underestimated you," he whispered as the teacher, mercifully, concluded the day's lesson.

"Probably," she shrugged as she packed up her things.

Nathan grinned. "But still, Sawyer…don't you go ruling anything out. _Never_ is a strong word."

She was left sitting at the desk, staring at the spot he'd just occupied, shaking her head. It was only when other students started straggling in that she leapt up and rushed off to her next class.

Chemistry was a lab rather than a lecture, for which she was initially thankful. He'd be a lot easier to deal with when he'd have to observe chemical titration rather than stare at any part of her body.

But she couldn't get mad and she couldn't keep a straight face, because the entire room was full of teenagers giggling as the teacher explained the procedure, outlining the use of titration equipment, saying _stopcock_ over and over and over. Finally, she buried her face in her hands to keep from exposing her grin. Nathan bumped his hip against hers and she peeked at him through her fingers, obviously smiling. The look he gave her was strangely close to adoration, and it made her heart palpitate.

He was actually a cooperative and efficient partner, which surprised her. They worked well together, understanding each other simply by gestures and pointed fingers, finishing before almost anyone in the class, gaining a few moments to talk as they lazily cleaned up.

"Tell me something you like about me."

She laughed incredulously. "Excuse me?"

"Come on! You already know that I like your hands –" He paused suggestively, "so you've got an unfair advantage. Tell me something you like about me."

"I'm assuming you mean physically," she replied dryly.

"We can talk about our _feelings_ later," he agreed with a roll of his eyes.

She took her time, letting her eyes scan over his body playfully. "Your eyes," she finally told him quietly.

He gave her a knowing look. "Same as Lucas'."

Peyton approved of him in that moment, managing to mention his brother without jeering or insulting. "At first, that was why I liked your eyes," she agreed. "But it's not just the colour that's the same about them. You've got the same kinds of things in your eyes."

"And what does that mean?"

She shrugged. "I don't know…Kindness. Insecurity. Adventurousness. Humour."

"You're such a girl."

"Hey!" she protested as if he'd gravely insulted her.

"Even when I ask to talk about this hot body, you get into emotions."

"Fine," she said indignantly. "I like your eyes. They're beautiful. Ball's back in your court – what do you like about my _hot body_?" she asked, mocking him.

His eyes flashed with something she'd never spotted in his brother's blue eyes before, something heavy and lustful and yet somehow caring. "Everything," he said simply, without even leering.

The stopcock fell from her fingers, crashing to the floor, a crack appearing instantly in the glass. "Shit," she cursed under her breath, bending down to pick it up. He crouched down as well, so that they were facing each other.

His hand reached it first. "Damn," he said with a low whistle, meeting her eyes. "Maybe I don't want that hand job after all, huh?"

"Oh, _shut up_," she groaned as they both straightened up. She accepted the stopcock from him, his hand grazing hers for much longer than necessary as his eyes bored down into hers.

She wanted to look away but couldn't, not as a grin tugged his lips upward and lit his eyes. "Or maybe I do, Peyton," he muttered, and she felt herself give in to crushing on him right back.

Biology and Chemistry partners. The irony was not lost on her.

_**vi**__. oh, I know I should go_

_but I need your touch _

_just too damn much_

"No. No, no, no, no, _no_."

"Lucas,' she sighed. "It's just a Biology project. Two hours, tops."

"I don't want you go over there!"

"Well, that's gotta suck for you, because last time I checked, your wants don't control my life!" she shot back, careful not to raise her voice.

He sighed, turning back toward his book.

"Luke…" She walked over and sat next to him on the couch. "I need to go. It's for school. And I know, I _know_ how difficult all of this is for you…but you're not in charge of me. I love you for your protectiveness and your need to save me all the time, you know that. But one of these days you've got to accept that I'm a big girl. I can make my own choices."

He gave her that look, the one that meant he was seeing the nine-year-old girl he once found sitting on the porch steps, crying outside so that she didn't wake Karen or Lucas up in the middle of the night, when she always missed her parents most.

"I'm gonna be _fine_," she told him seriously. "I promise."

"Be careful," he told her grudgingly, meeting her eyes meaningfully.

"Always," she sighed, rewarding him with a smile before she grabbed the car keys and walked out the door.

Ten minutes later she was greeted at the door by a shirtless Nathan, instantly sending her heart pounding. "Do you just not wear clothes?" she asked dryly.

"Not when I have a girl coming over. Saves time," he smirked.

She scowled and ordered, "Put a shirt on."

He reached out, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her whole body flush against his. She gasped and struggled half-heartedly against him. He grinned. "I thought we were doing our…biology project. Let's share the work, okay? I'll give you my DNA, and then –"

"Stop," she whispered, looking at him through her eyelashes.

"Do you want me to?" he asked, eyes sparkling mischievously.

She didn't. That realization hit her and she thought that maybe she was letting this go too far. She really, really didn't need to be flirting with Lucas' half-brother. She really didn't need to be standing with him in foyer of his huge house, her body pressed to his.

Clearing her throat purposefully, she said, "I think I should go."

Nathan's eyes searched hers as his grip loosened slightly. "So go," he challenged her.

She glanced down, eyes focusing on the floor, pouting to herself. She was nervous. "I can't," she finally admitted, looking up at him again.

His gaze fell to her lips before darting up to hers eyes. It felt like slow motion as he bent his head slightly, his face moving closer to hers. Her eyes fluttered closed and a millisecond later his lips were on hers.

It was a soft, gentle kind of kiss, which almost surprised her. It was just his lips and her lips, almost chaste and fairly perfect. She reached up, entwining her arms around his neck, and sighed as they broke apart.

Nathan grinned slightly before capturing her lips with his again. His hands settled against her hips, his tongue seeking entrance to her mouth as he backed her up slowly. She let him lead until she finally felt herself fall backward onto his couch. He settled his body on top of hers as she smiled up at him softly, arms reaching out for him again, pulling him closer.

"But Biology…" she murmured, more out of obligation than any actual need to do schoolwork.

"I'm working on it, babe," he told her as he tilted his head, kissing her neck.

She sighed satisfactorily at the feeling but frowned at the same time. "I won't be taking any of your DNA today, bud," she told him firmly.

He chuckled as he lifted his head to meet her eyes, his hand brushing her hair out of her face. "I never expected you to make this easy for me."

Peyton laughed quietly, her hands impatiently tugging his body back down toward hers. "Kiss me," she whispered, craving him.

There was something so intoxicating about this boy, something that the jaded, more wicked part of her, scarred by tragedy and loss and growing up too fast, was very much drawn to.

_**vii**__. loving you, that isn't really something _

_I should do_

_shouldn't want to spend my time with you_

"I don't think we need to go to Chem class."

Peyton jumped, placing a hand over her heart as Nathan snuck up on her. She was sitting at one of the tables in the courtyard, sketching idly. "Jeez, you scared me."

He grinned. "You're drawing me."

She flipped over her sketchbook, slamming it down against the surface of the table. She'd always been private about her art. "What were you saying?"

"We should skip off Chemistry class."

"Or we could not," she laughed, giving him a slightly incredulous look.

He looked remarkably endearing and frankly, _tempting_, sitting there next to her with that grin of his and his varsity jacket. "Come on," he pleaded. "I'm pretty sure our chemistry deserves an A plus."

The giggle escaped her lips before she could stop it. "Aw, I'm sorry," she said softly, taking in the wounded expression he was wearing. "It's just…how long were you waiting to say that line?"

"A while," he admitted, grimacing slightly.

"I figured."

"Skip off with me," he said softly, suggestively, "Let's do something fun." He leaned toward her, eyes glittering hopefully.

"Nathan…" She was losing ground, with the way he was looking at her, and the prospect of his kiss. At that moment, she spotted Lucas walking with Brooke down across the courtyard and pulled back quickly.

He frowned. "What is it? Are you that upset about my corny line?"

She shook her head, unable to smile. "We…we can't do this. You and me…we can't."

Nathan followed her gaze. "Brooke Davis. Huh. He has good taste."

Peyton grabbed her sketchbook and smacked him with it, feeling an unexpected surge of jealousy.

"Jeez! You're so violent." His eyebrows flew up. "Not that I'm complaining. It's hot."

"Seriously. We can't."

"We can't ever, or we can't when Lucas can see?"

"Does it matter?" she asked frantically.

"Hell yeah."

"Well, then…ever." She felt a pang in her chest as she gathered her things, preparing to walk away. This was for the best. Lucas would be devastated.

"Ever?"

"You heard me."

Nathan gave her a long and serious look as the bell sounded. "I want you to meet me in the gym in twenty minutes," he said firmly, standing and turning on his heel to go. "Time it, Sawyer!" he called over his shoulder.

_**viii**__. I should try to be strong…_

_but, baby, you're the right kind of wrong_

_yeah, baby, you're the right kind of wrong_

She walked into the gym, her Chuck Taylors hitting the floor quietly. Nathan was already there, shooting baskets to bide the time. She stopped about ten feet away from him and shrugged. "So, I'm here."

He threw the ball aside as he turned to face her. "That you are."

She sighed, impatient. She wanted to get out of there, nurse the tiny new crack in her heart, and move on with her life. "I have class, Nathan."

"Yeah, me too," he replied as he walked over to her. "I was just wondering if you could tell me what the hell has got you running scared all of a sudden."

Peyton sighed again, tearing her eyes away from him. "I don't want to do this."

"Lucas? Be straight with me, Peyton – is there something going on between the two of you?"

"_No_," she responded harshly, frustrated with him. Throwing her hands into the air, she yelled, "Stop _asking_ me that!"

"But it's him, right? That's got you like this."

"Like _what_?" she growled.

"You know what I mean. We were good. I thought we were good. That felt good. Didn't it?" he added, daring her to say no.

"Of course it did," she murmured, aggravated. "But we can't, okay? It's not fair to him, with the way your relationship is. It's not fair to either of you."

Nathan smirked mirthlessly. "I think…that you think…that it's not fair to _you_." He shook his head. "You didn't strike me as the girl who gets scared."

"How sad. Hate to have disappointed you," she said dryly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm right," he said in wonderment, marching over to her so that they were only inches away from one another. "You're scared for you, not for Lucas and me."

"I care about him. I…I care about _you_, even though that's probably a stupid thing to do. I'm worried…for all of us." She blew out her breath in exasperation. "Why does it matter to you, Nathan?" she demanded. "I know who you are. I know what people say about you. You could have any girl. Why the hell would you waste your time on me?"

He rolled his eyes, bringing his body even closer to hers. "Okay, yeah. Sure. You're right. I _could_ have any girl. But I only _want_ one. You're different from those girls, Peyton."

"Don't say my name like…like you know me," she blurted irrationally.

"I _want_ to know you! So let me."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why me? Tell me, _why me_."

"Because…because you read me so easily the first time you saw me. You didn't flirt, you yelled. You hit me with books. I'm…attracted to you. And I never do this, okay? I skip off class to sleep and drink and play ball and hook up, not to stand in the empty gym and try to explain myself to some girl who's verbally abusing me half the time."

Her lips were begging to smile but she didn't let it happen. "Nathan, I don't know…it doesn't…I mean, it feels right, but it can't be. I'm not…you're not…we're not…"

He reached out, linking both their hands together on either side of their bodies as they stood face to face. "So then let it be wrong," he said easily.

"It's not that simp –"

Nathan cut her off with a bruising kiss, much different from the way his lips had grazed hers tentatively the day before. This kiss was all passion and proof, tongue and wandering hands.

When they pulled apart, she stared into his eyes, allowing her smile to form. "Okay, so maybe wrong can be…right," she murmured breathlessly.

His hand got lost in her hair and she smiled fully at the feeling of it. "You're complicated," he mused. At her questioning expression, he clarified, "And that's why. That's why it's you."

_**xix**__. it might be a mistake_

_a mistake I'm makin'_

"I don't know what to do," he said morosely, stealing another bite of ice cream from her pint of Ben and Jerry's as they watched _It's a Wonderful Life_ together.

Peyton looked over at him sympathetically. They were sitting on the couch together, her legs thrown over his, sharing ice cream and watching an old movie. It was their thing; their Friday night tradition. Karen used to tease them about it, putting Peyton's records on and singing along with The Cure: _Friday, I'm in love_. She has always been watching them a little bit warily, waiting for them to fall for one another.

She took a moment to consider Lucas. Her best friend, her constant saviour, the most consistent person in her life. She wondered, briefly, if he should be her choice.

But then she thought about the way she felt when Nathan's hip barely nudged hers in the lab the other day, compared it to right now, wearing Lucas' sweater, her limbs easily overlapping his.

She loved Lucas, and she couldn't deny that a spark existed between them. But it was muted, delicate chemistry, the kind that existed in an eternal sense but was never really meant to be explored. Her rapport with Nathan was explosive and passionate and unstoppable, the kind of chemistry that screamed out at the world, demanded to be dived into.

Two very different stories. And though she'd always been cautious, she'd never been one to settle.

"Peyt?"

"Sorry," she apologized for taking so long to reply. "You know, Luke…I don't think you have to do _anything_. Just forget them; don't let 'em have any control over your life. Screw Dan. Screw Nathan."

He stayed quiet for a moment. "Screw Nathan, huh? Is that what you want to do?"

She glared at him, unwilling to even justify that with a response. She hated this, the changes in the easiness that had always been their way.

"Sorry," he murmured. "Peyton…I'm sorry. That was unfair."

"Yeah, it was," she replied pointedly.

"Really. I'm sorry. I won't eat any more of your ice cream and I won't say everyone's lines in the movie and I'll stop bugging you about this and let you live your life. I promise."

She forgave him without much resistance. "Okay." She smiled over at him affectionately, offering ice cream despite his promise. "Thanks for not ditching me tonight."

"What are you talking about? I wouldn't do that."

Peyton shrugged. "I just figured you might be hanging out with _Brooke Davis_."

"Oh…yeah." He grinned bashfully. "Well…yeah."

"What do you mean, _yeah_?" she laughed. "You're so smitten, Lucas Scott. And she totally gave you the look after practice the other day."

"What look?"

"Shut up! The _keep playing like that and I'll do you_ look."

His eyes widened and she smirked at his discomfort as he managed to choke on his ice cream before is melted enough for him to be able to swallow easily. "Okay, sex talk – uncomfortable!" he cried.

She giggled. "Well, you were an ass earlier. You deserved it."

He shot her a grin before returning his attention to the movie. Peyton watched his face rather than the story playing out on the screen, gnawing worriedly on her lower lip.

He looked happy, despite all his brooding about his absentee jerk of a father. One of the few things she knew for sure in her life was that she loved this boy, in whatever way she did…and she didn't want to hurt him.

_**xx**__. but what you're giving I am happy to be taking_

Lucas was happy with Brooke. They were flirting across the basketball court, she was showing up naked in the backseat of his car, and he'd received the 'Brooke Davis leopard bra', which was apparently his signal that this was going somewhere. He was settling in Tree Hill, and happily. Peyton was incredibly glad for him.

It turned out that her life was the one which got messy after they moved. There was Nathan, first and foremost, complicating things. He was her dirty little secret, her kiss between classes, her sly wink on the basketball court, the first guy she ever let get under her bra, fake projects just to spend time together, trying to convince her that the way Lucas taught her free throws was wrong, hungry hands venturing under uniforms in the locker room when they snuck in there during study hall.

She was falling for him. Physically, she was already there, but her heart and her mind were giving her grief for it.

Nathan managed to be agreeable about all the secrecy because the threat of being caught at any time kept things naughty enough for him. She knew that he was accustomed to diving right into sex and forgetting most other aspects of relationships, so she was actually feeling rather proud of him for keeping his hands to himself in public and stopping when she told him to.

It made her feel good that she might have changed him in some way.

The thing that bothered him was the fact that he was risking his social status. It was trivial and stupid, but it mattered to him so she let it matter to her.

"You're so hot and sexy and I don't know…witty, and…I wanna show you off."

But she forbade it, even if his descriptors for her almost did her in. She insisted on secrecy, for his sake and her sake and Lucas' sake. And afterward, she somehow made herself let go of her jealousy as she saw him flirt occasionally with the other cheerleaders.

Because after the game he was all hers and he touched her like he'd been dying to all along, and that was enough.

_**xxi**__. 'cause no one's ever made me feel_

_the way I feel when I'm_

_in yours arms_

She sighed, both content and eager for more, as his tongue explored her mouth and his hand ran up her thigh, moving up and under her cheerleading skirt. Laughing breathlessly, she broke the kiss and stopped his hand with her own. "I don't think so," she told him lightly.

Nathan groaned his protest, but didn't push her. "You kill me, you know that?"

She smiled triumphantly. "_Good_. But, you know…you kind of kill me, too."

"Oh, yeah?" he asked playfully.

"Mmhmm."

He ran his fingers through her hair lazily. "Let's go back to my place."

"I wish," she sighed, because she really did. "But I should get home." She reached down to the floor, gathering up her pompoms.

"Don't go," he said, sounding uncharacteristically whiny.

"I don't want to," she admitted.

"So don't."

"I hate that you always oversimplify," she grumbled.

"Ten more minutes," he pleaded like a kid who wanted to stay up to watch TV, and she didn't even say anything, simply dropped her pompoms and kissed him again.

There was something about this side of him, the one that displayed a little more vulnerability, that she couldn't resist.

Because she had that same part of her hidden away from the world.

_**xxii**__. they say you're something I should do without_

Peyton was lying on her stomach on her bed sorting through CDs when there was a knock on her door. "Come in," she called softly.

The door opened to reveal Brooke, wearing a hopeful smile and nothing more than one of Lucas' sweaters.

"Hey."

Peyton sat up, sitting crossed-legged on her mattress and smiling slightly in return. "Hey."

"Can I, um…talk to you?"

"Sure," Peyton said easily, furrowing her brow in curiosity. She talked to Brooke at cheerleading all the time, but never about anything substantial.

"Luke's, um, in the shower. I just wanted to…"

"Sit," Peyton interrupted her, nodding toward her bed. Brooke smiled, closed the door behind her, and walked over to take a seat.

"Okay," Brooke breathed, fiddling nervously with the cuff's of the sweater's sleeves. "This might be awkward, but –"

Realization dawned on her and she felt stupid for not having picked up on it sooner. "Oh my God. Brooke, no. There is _nothing_ going on between Lucas and I. He's my best friend; that's _all_. And I know he seems kind of overprotective of me, but that's just because we've had some crazy things happen in our lives…it's just in his nature. I mean, okay, we did kiss once – but it was this total moment of weakness and I had a bullet in my leg and he was trying to save me and I thought I was going to die…it was _not_ a romantic moment, really. I love him, so much, I do, but not in that way. And he is really, _really_ into you –"

Brooke cut her off, wiggling her eyebrows, "Oh, I know he's _in_ to me."

Peyton bit her lower lip and they both giggled, nervously but amicably. They had a really good vibe, a friendship waiting to happen.

"Sorry," she said softly. "That was stupid – just sort of my automatic reaction. But, I mean…you're Brooke Davis." She cracked a grin. "It's not like I'm the girl to be jealous of."

"Thanks for that," Brooke said, smiling back. "But, actually…you _are_ kind of the girl to be jealous of." She took a deep breath, her eyes searching Peyton's face. "I wanted to talk to you about Nathan."

Shocked, all Peyton could manage was: "O-oh."

"Look…I know you're involved with him. And I can tell that you're…falling for him."

"Oh, no," Peyton denied it instantly. "I'm not –"

"Oh, please, honey. You can't fool Brooke Davis," she responded, teasing and serious all at once. "You are. You so are. And I just wanted to tell you that you…shouldn't. He's a jerk. I know that he must have a thousand issues that are the reasons behind all that crap he puts people through, but at the end of the day…he's a jerk, plain and simple." She sighed. "Look, I'm cheer captain and he's the star basketball player. We dated because we were supposed to. I'm not exactly that smartest person ever when it comes to school…or relationships…but it only took me two weeks to figure him out. He's an ass."

Peyton stayed quiet, tracing out the pattern on her comforter with her index finger, thinking about all of Nathan's jokes about her hands.

Brooke sounded sympathetic when she spoke again. "Listen, I gues what I'm trying to say is that if you give him your heart…he'll break it. And I know that you don't know me well and we're not exactly friends, but Lucas talks about you all the time, and knowing him, if he loves you, it means that that heart of yours is a great one under all those Gwen Stefani badass vibes."

She offered up a small smirk of thanks, catching Brooke's eyes for a second.

"So…that's why I'm saying this. That, and I'm massively jealous of your hair." She sighed, smiling. "I just think you should be careful, Peyton. I know things have been kind of rough in your life…and you're playing with fire."

She nodded slowly as Brooke got up. "Thanks for caring, Brooke. If Luke likes you so much, you must be a good person, too. Even if your music taste sucks."

The brunette nodded, smiling widely. "Just don't get burnt, P. Sawyer," she said gently, shortening Peyton's name as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if they were meant to be friends.

_**xxiii**__. they don't know what goes on_

_when the lights go out_

That very night, she went over to his house without calling to announce her intent to come over. In a way, it was a test – she wanted to see who is there, whether or not he really was screwing around with her and she'd find another girl there.

But he wasn't with someone else at all. His mother intercepted Peyton when she walked in, leading to a fumbling conversation in which Peyton first apologized for barging into their home and then blurted out her name, while Deb introduced herself, waved aside her words, and told Peyton she was very beautiful, which, of course, made her increasingly uncomfortable. With a somewhat knowing, somewhat oblivious smile, Deb excused herself and rushed off to some function. She seemed nice enough, and Peyton felt bad for this other woman who got caught up in Dan Scott.

She didn't want to be that girl. She wasn't going to let Nathan make her that girl.

A wave of pleasant shock coursed through her body when she stormed up to his room in a fit of pending indignant rage only to find him sprawled out across his bed, eating chocolate, drinking coffee, and watching ESPN, wearing just his boxers and a thin white t-shirt.

He grinned when he saw her and something shifted in her; she made a decision, and for once her heart and her mind caught up with her body and actually approved.

"Hey, you," he said huskily, his eyes at half mast, and her body heat skyrocketed.

"Hey," she replied softly, walking over to him and joining him on the bed, straddling him with ease. His eyebrows rose but he didn't complain as she leaned down to kiss him. "I met your mom. She seems nice. She had somewhere to go; she's gone."

He shrugged. "She's okay. Better than my dad."

Peyton chuckled. "Oh, honey…no offense, but I don't think that's such a hard thing to be."

He only grinned at her. "Did you just call me _honey_?" he asked, his eyes sparkling.

She shrugged, leaning down to kiss him again, her tongue seeking entrance to his mouth. He granted it instantly, his hands resting lightly on her thighs. "You taste _so_ good," she murmured honestly, tasting the bitterness of coffee and the sweetness of milk chocolate in his mouth.

"Yeah?"

"Mmm." She sat up a bit, her hips moving against his in a way that made him groan. "You know, caffeine is an aphrodisiac."

"Is it?" Nathan asked, arching his eyebrows.

"Uh-huh." He didn't say anything more and she frowned at him, trying to decipher what was going on his head. There was something cocky and triumphant in his eyes and she sighed. "What?"

He lifted his hands to undo the first couple buttons of her shirt. "You can call me _honey_ all you want and tell me a taste good and talk about how my mom's gone and we're all alone and sit on top of my looking all sexy, but babe, I'm going to need to hear you say it," he smirked.

Peyton kissed him again, searing her lips to his and pressing her hips into his a little bit harder. "You sure about that? she gasped out.

Nathan gritted his teeth, but he wouldn't give in. "Oh, yeah."

Her fingers traced the line of his jaw, and when she spoke her lips were still brushing his. "Take me," she whispered, and instantly squealed as he wrapped an arm around her waist and flipped them around.

"Nathan!" she cried breathlessly.

"That's what I like to hear," he smirked, nimble, practiced fingers undoing the rest of the buttons on her shirt easily and pushing it off her shoulders. She sat up a bit to help him get it off and instantly pulled his shirt over his head as well. He fingered the hem of her tank top before doing the same to her. Leaning his weight into her, he forced her to lie back as his hand found the button on her jeans. He undid it, and then the zipper, at what seemed like an agonizing pace. He hooked his thumbs just under the waistband of her jeans and raised an eyebrow. She took a deep breath and nodded, granting him permission to tug her pants down her legs and toss them aside.

He settled himself above her, forearms resting against the pillows on either side of her head, drinking her appearance in. She blushed, shifting under his scrutiny, and felt him hard against her.

"You've never had sex before," he murmured, like he was just realizing it then and there.

She nodded slowly, furrowing her brow. He knew that.

"And you…you want it to be me?"

Peyton smiled slightly, only one side of her mouth truly curving upward. She took in _his_ appearance, all muscles and deep blue eyes, attractive enough to practically make her salivate, but he was still just a kid. She knew that on some levels, when it came to some things, he got just as scared as she did. "Yeah," she said mutedly. "I want it to be you."

That was all he needed as a go-ahead, and she arched her back to allow him access to unclasp her bra; seconds later they were both kicking off their underwear.

She didn't feel like she could breathe as she tried to force her body to keep up with her brain. "Condom?" she murmured, and he held one up. She couldn't even remember him grabbing it.

"Hey. Peyton," he said softly, brushing her hair out of her face. There was a sincerity in his eyes that she'd never seen before. "I'm going to take care of you."

And he did. He kissed her cheeks and gave her as long as she needed when she gasped and squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the onslaught of tears, adjusting to the feeling of him. In a selfless move, he made sure that she got her gratification before concentrating on his own. He whispered her name and made her moan his; kissed her languidly as her body responded instinctively to his, dropped kisses along her jaw as she came down from her high. He pressed his lips to hers as she closed her eyes, trying to catch her breath, and got up, padding into his en suite bathroom momentarily.

She let her eyes flutter open and grabbed for a discarded dress shirt of his, only having time to do up the middle two buttons before he re-emerged, wearing boxers again.

"Mm, you look so sexy in my clothes," he murmured longingly, kissing her shoulder as he joined her on the bed, pulling her into his arm as he laid down. She smiled and snuggled into his body. "You okay?"

She smiled, her fingers dancing across his chest as she said, "Yeah. I'm good."

"So…that was sex."

Peyton laughed lightly, rolling her eyes. She met his blue orbs with her green ones and bit her lower lip. "Is that the best you've got?" she asked coyly.

He groaned, burying her face into her neck. "I don't think you know what you're asking for, Sawyer."

She grinned. "I think I do."

"Yeah?" He matched her smile with his own, lifting his body so that he was partially hovering over her. "You want some more of this magic?"

"Nathan – _oh_," the protest died as her lips as his attacked her neck. She sighed, hands skimming down his back.

"You're beautiful," he murmured against her skin, and her heart soared.

He'd never said that to her before. _Smokin' hot_, sure. _Sexy_, all the time. _Pretty_ on multiple occasions. But never _beautiful_, a muted, private whisper against her neck.

He meant it.

_**xxiv**__. there's no way to explain_

_all the pleasure is worth all the pain_

The next morning she woken up feeling hazily disoriented. It took her a moment to get her bearings, to remember that she was lying in Nathan Scott's bed, wearing his dress shirt, under his sheets, wrapped up in his arms. She smiled softly, cuddling into the blankets and his body, pressing her palms together and tucking her hands under her cheek as she admired him.

There was something about the way she felt, waking up next to him, that she could never explain to anyone. Not to Lucas or Brooke, not even to herself.

She'd wanted it to be him for a reason, she realized, and that only made her happier.

"Stop staring," he muttered sleepily, and she grinned bashfully as his eyes slowly opened. He wrapped his arm around her pulling her closer still for a kiss. "Good morning."

"Morning," she replied softly, trying to calm her urge to smile like an idiot.

"Mm…I want you, Peyt."

"You're insatiable," she said matter-of-factly.

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"I want you, too," she whispered, ignoring him as she cupped the back of his neck with her hand, bringing his lips to hers. She pulled away much sooner than he wanted her to. "But…you have a play basketball in…" She glanced at his clock. "Half an hour, and I have to be there to cheer you on."

"But –"

"We have to go," she said softly. If she and Nathan were missing together, Lucas would lose his mind. She sighed.

Nathan picked up on her change of mood even through his sleepy haze. "You're okay, right?" he asked, reaching for her hand as she sat up.

She smiled down at him earnestly. "Better than."

_**xxv**__. loving you, that isn't really something_

_I should do, yeah, hey_

_I shouldn't want to spend my time with you_

Peyton bent over to touch her toes, grinning to herself when she caught Nathan checking her out. She straightened up to see Haley James walking toward her and softened her grin into a friendly smile. "Hey. Is Brooke not here yet?"

She didn't know Haley very well, as they were the quietest, least exuberant members of the squad, but she seemed like a good person and a potential smile. She returned Peyton's smile with a genuine of her own. "Brooke Davis, come to Saturday morning practice on time? Never gonna happen," she chuckled. "She's probably with Lucas, right?"

"Oh…yeah. Probably. That was stupid of me."

Haley nodded toward Peyton's iPod. "What're you listening to?"

"Right now? Um, Dashboard Confessional."

Haley's eyebrows rose up as though she was impressed. "Huh. You're the first person on this squad whose answer to the question hasn't been: Beyoncé." She grinned. "I am really glad you moved here."

Peyton laughed. "You know, I think I am, too."

The shorter girl nodded. "You look happy."

She chuckled. "Yeah? Excessively? This happiness thing is kind of new to me," she shrugged.

"Looks good on you," Haley said lightly. "So…who's the boy?"

"Excuse me?" she asked, eyes darting over to meet the other girl's.

"Oh, come on. I know that look. I know that feeling. I can tell." Her gaze drifted toward the members of the basketball team meaningfully but not purposefully, and she sighed.

Peyton bit her lower lip. "And who's _your_ boy, Haley James?" she questioned gently.

"Well, I…no, it's just…well, it's Jake. Jake Jagielski – you know who that is?"

"Yeah, sure." She looked over at the boy – he was like Haley's equivalent on the basketball team, quieter and shier and more focused. "He seems like a sweetheart. And definitely not bad to look at. You two are cute together," she added, glancing back and forth between the two.

"Oh – no. We're not…we're not together. But I've had a crush on him for like three years," she admitted, wincing. "He's an _amazing_ musician, and he has this little girl – crazy, I know, she's like six months old – he's just really reserved, but he…" She trailed off, shrugging. "I wish I could just get to know him a little more. I…when I'm around him…I don't even know how to put it into words."

Peyton sighed, giving Haley a sympathetic smile. "Strange as this may sound…I actually really know what you mean."

_**xxvi**__. well, I should try to be strong_

_but, baby, you're the right kind of wrong_

_yeah, baby, you're the right kind of wrong_

Lucas waved her over after practice and she rushed to him for a hug. She felt like she'd been missing him lately. "Hey, Luke," she said warmly, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "Great practice."

"Thanks," he grinned.

"Yeah, boyfriend," Brooke added as she strutted up to them, wrapping her arms around Lucas and kissing him. "You're such a star." She threw a playfully apologetic glance just behind Peyton: "No offense."

Peyton glanced behind her, surprised to see Jake standing there. "Oh, hey. Peyton," she introduced herself, holding out a hand. "You're Jake, right?"

"Yeah," he nodded, smiling warmly at her as his hand clasped hers.

Lucas smiled as well as he watched them. "Jake's a musician, Peyt. He's really great."

She nodded. "So I've heard. That's awesome. I'd love to hear you play sometime."

"You're into music?"

"I breathe it," she laughed, and caught Brooke's eye accidentally. The brunette was scrutinizing as if simply by looking at Peyton she could analyze the state of the blonde's relationship with Nathan.

"Let's get out of here, boyfriend," she said quietly, leaning into Lucas' arms. "And leave these two to talk."

"Sure," Lucas agreed readily, and things snapped into place. The look he was giving her, and Jake, at that moment, said _bond over music, fall madly in love, get married, and give me godchildren_.

Peyton bit her lower lip and shook her head in disbelief. "Lucas, can I _talk_ to you?" she asked menacingly, turning away from Jake.

"We were going to –"

"_Now_, Lucas Eugene Scott," she growled, grabbing his arm and yanking him away, leaving Brooke to smile awkwardly at Jake as they stared after the blondes rushing away.

"You _middle named_ me!" he cried incredulously as she dragged him off.

She shoved his shoulder, ignoring him. "What the hell are you doing, Luke? You jerk! How dare you try to set me up?"

"Peyt…" He looked remarkably innocent. "I just want you to be happy. Jake is a _really_ great guy, and you have a lot in common, I know you do."

"You jerk," she repeated, "My love life is none of your business! You know that!"

"But –"

"No. _No_. Besides, Haley is completely head over heels for that boy, I'd never do that to her!"

"Okay." He held up his hands in surrender, but it was clear that he wasn't done. "Sorry."

She scowled at him. "Just say whatever it is you think you need to say, Luke."

"If, um…okay, well hypothetically, if Haley didn't like him –"

"Lucas! No! Stop interfering in my life!"

"What the hell is wrong with you? We were never like this before, you and me."

"What the hell is wrong with _me_? You're trying to set me up with guys that I don't want."

"Why not? Why won't you just take a chance?"

"Oh, buddy," she said, shaking her head, elaborating cryptically, "I've taken a hell of a lot of those."

"Maybe you could just –"

"Stop!" she cried desperately. "Okay, please, just stop! I don't need a lecture from you about taking chances and living life to the fullest! I'm fine! I'm good!"

"You're not!"

"Luke! I love you, but God, you have to get over this overprotective thing!"

"I want you to be happy."

"You don't need a _guy_ in your life to be happy," she sneered. "I'm smart enough to know that, and you used to be."

"Hey! Why are you being such a bitch about this?"

She never fought with Lucas like this, and it was tearing at her heart, exhausting her, not to mention ruining her day. She just wanted it to stop. "Because I have a guy, okay?" she shot back. "I don't need you playing cupid because I…I have a guy."

Despite what she'd just said, Lucas was intelligent, and it took him all of two seconds to figure it out. "_Hell_ no!" he thundered.

_**xxvii**__. I should try to run_

_but I just can't seem to_

'_cause every time I run_

_you're the one I run to_

"You promised me this wasn't going to happen!" he yelled at her across the kitchen.

"I never _promised_!"

"Dammit, Peyton!"

"Luke," she pleaded, holding out her hands helplessly. "Come _on_. Look, firstly, I do not _need_ your approval for anything, but you're my closest friend, so I _want_ it. I'm not trying to hurt you, but I'm happy. He makes me happy."

"My jerk of a half brother makes you happy? I have a hard time believing that."

"Luke!"

"He's just _using_ you." His tone softened as he tried to reason with her. "He's using you because he wants to get to me –"

"That's a little bit self-absorbed, don't you think?" she fumed, glaring at him.

" – and because you're beautiful and most of the guys in the school would love to have you. You're nothing but a toy to him."

"How dare you –"

"It's all about sex with him, Peyton! About proving his…his power. And when he's done with you, what are you going to matter to him anymore?"

She bit down hard on her lower lip, staring at the floor, and yelling at herself not to cry. She saw Lucas' jaw drop in her peripheral vision.

"Oh my God. _You're sleeping with him_?"

"Hey! What happened to sex talk being uncomfortable? And God, Luke, I can make my own choices! You're sleeping with Brooke!"

"This is _different_," he said through gritted teeth. "I am going to _kick_ his _ass_, fucking jerk –"

"Lucas!" Karen scolded, her tone disapproving as she walked into the kitchen and set the groceries down. "_What_ is going on here?"

"Peyton's having sex with Nathan," Lucas said bluntly, and it was Peyton's turn to let her jaw fall. She was momentarily rendered speechless.

"Luke," Karen said firmly. "Calm down." She turned her gaze to Peyton, kind brown eyes full of concern and confusion. "Honey, are you and Nathan…?"

"Together," Peyton murmured. "We're together."

Karen nodded slowly. "Lucas, put those groceries away." She held out a hand to Peyton. "Come sit with me in the living room, sweetie."

Peyton sighed, shooting Lucas one last angry glare before following the most consistent mother figure she'd ever had into the living room and joining her on the couch.

"Alright," Karen sighed. "Listen to me, alright?"

She nodded.

"Honey…I have been where you are. I know what it's like, that smile and those eyes, and being the girl to leap into the basketball star's arms right after a game. And it's good, and you think you're changing him, and he's going to love you forever. But, Peyton, sweetie, you know my story as well as anyone. And you know that it doesn't end well."

"I'm not going to get pregnant," Peyton muttered.

"I know you're smart and I'm sure you're being careful –" She waited for Peyton's nod, "But I was smart and careful, too." She sighed. "You know I love Lucas. He's a blessing. But I'm not talking about getting pregnant and having to leave town to escape the gossip. I'm talking about what it did to my heart."

Peyton pressed her lips together, staring down at her hand, gently enclosed in Karen's. She took a shaky breath. "I have to go," she whispered, standing up. "I need…some time."

Karen was on her feet only an instant afterward. "Peyton, sweetie –"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry," she murmured, and seconds later she was out the door and in her car.

_**xxiii**__. can't do without what you do to me_

_I don't care if I'm in too deep, yeah_

She hadn't originally intended to go to him, but she really didn't have anywhere else to go. She found him outside, shooting hoops in his driveway. She waved weakly when he spotted her. "Hi."

His brow furrowed and he let his baketball fall to the ground, bouncing lightly off toward the house. "Hey. What's wrong?"

She shrugged shakily. "I got into a fight. With Luke. And kind of with Karen."

"About me."

"Yeah. About you."

He looked at her for a long moment before holding his hand out. "C'mere."

Peyton closed the distance between them, allowing him to take her hand, slender fingers and delicate wrists, into his own, large and calloused. She sighed as he tugged her hand, pulling her closer, and leaned into him. She rested her forehead against his chest, just savouring the feeling of him, clinging to his hand. His other arm encircled her, making her feel more secure, and she closed her eyes as he murmured indiscernible things into her curls.

Standing together, breathing him in on the tarmac of his driveway as the sun set on a Saturday evening, it felt like they could be okay.

_**xxiv**__. I know all about_

_yeah, about your reputation_

Crumbling into him in his driveway, letting someone other than Lucas rescue her for once, felt right and okay and good and safe. But it was one thing, secluded from the world as darkness fell, and a completely different thing to be back in school.

He was still Nathan and she was still Peyton and while people may suspect things, no one had any idea the seriousness of their relationship. And so he flirted like he always did. She turned down the hallway to see him talking to Bevin Prince, her back pressed up against _Peyton's_ locker. She sighed and whirled around. She needed some air.

Outside everyone seemed so happy. Brooke and Lucas were standing around with some other basketball players and cheerleaders, lost in each other, laughing quietly with their eyes locked. She was hugging him with her arms tucked into his jacket, smiling contentedly.

Jake and Haley were sitting together, his guitar balanced on her knees as he gently rearranged her fingers to get the right chords. She blushed and giggled when his hands touched hers, and it reminded Peyton of her first Bio and Chemistry classes with Nathan.

It made her throat and her heart ache to think that, maybe, everyone else was right.

_**xxv**__. and now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation_

Brooke came and found her at lunch, concern lighting up her pretty brown eyes. "Hey, P. Sawyer."

"B. Davis," Peyton returned, trying to force a smile onto her lips.

Brooke perched next to her and set her bag down. "I'm kinda worried about you. Lucas told me what happened."

"Yeah…" She blew out her breath. "We never fight like that. It was awful. And I feel…I feel so bad for not taking Karen's advice, and I…I guess I'm kind of a mess right now."

"I'm sorry," Brooke sighed before perking up and wiggling her eyebrows. "Hey, at least you scored with Nathan Scott! Damn, girl, good work."

Peyton couldn't bring herself to joke back. She just shrugged. "Is that even something to be happy about?" she asked quietly. "I mean, how many other girls can say the exact same thing?"

"Peyton…"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm gonna go." She grabbed her sketchbook and her backpack and rushed off.

_**xxvi**__. but I can't help it if_

_I'm helpless every time that I'm _

_where you are_

_you walk in and my strength walks_

_out the door_

She grabbed his sleeve and dragged him down the hallway, informing him, "We're skipping Bio."

"Sweet," he remarked happily, running a couple steps to catch up with her so that she was so longer dragging him but simply leading him along.

When they reached the parking lot she stopped by her car and crossed her arms over her chest, figuring that they were a fairly safe distance from the school. "You and me," she said.

He grimaced. "I'm guessing you didn't drag me out here for the reasons I thought you did…"

She ignored him. "You and me," she repeated, "are we in a relationship? A serious, fully committed, exclusive one?"

"Uh…I guess. But not a public one."

"Okay. Well. We need to break up, then."

"Wha…what?"

Peyton shook her head, unable to find the words to explain it to him the right way. "You…you are not the right guy for me. I knew that, but I…I liked you," she shrugged. "I couldn't help it and I'm falling for you and I _can't_ do that, because I can't…I don't want Karen's life. I don't want to be that girl."

"C'mon, Sawyer…" he sighed.

"I'm serious. We need to break up. We _are_ breaking up. We're over."

"Don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?" he asked, arching his eyebrows.

"So what if I am, Nathan?" she cried. "I'm not doing this, I'm not going to do this. You say we're together, but you still flirt with other girls. You can't turn that part of your personality _off_. With you it's about…drinking…and sex…and…" She trailed off. "That's who you are. I'm sorry that I lost sight of it for a while."

She turned to go, but he grabbed her elbow. "I don't think you lost sight of it."

"Excuse me?"

"You've always known who I am. It's not like I tried to hide it. And I think you like it. Maybe you don't want to, because maybe you think that makes you a person you don't want to be…but I think you like it. I _know_ you do."

"I _can't_," she insisted, and her voice cracked.

"C'mon, Sawyer. Just because Luke is a saint it doesn't mean that you have to be. There's nothing bad about being…bad…sometimes."

She sighed. He was right; he could see that she'd always had a bit more of a wild side than Lucas did. But at the same time, underneath all her defences, she still craved love in its simplest forms, protection and kindness and devotion.

"You scare me," she admitted breathlessly.

He frowned for a moment before confessing, "I can't believe I'm saying this…but you kind of scare me, too.'

She gave him a half-smile. "You can't flirt with other girls anymore. You can't."

"I'll work on it," he promised her.

"I don't…I don't want to make you change. And I don't have to change what _I_ want just to be with you."

"We'll figure it out."

"You think things are so easy!" she groaned. "How do I know that this is the right choice? How do I know that you and I even have a _shot_ at working out? This really does scare me, right now, and I don't…I don't say things like that. I don't want to get stuck as…as someone I'm not."

He shook his head, getting frustrated with her, and placed his hands roughly on her shoulders, his fingers digging lightly it her skin. "Do I really need to say this? Can't you tell?"

"I-I…I don't know," she stuttered, searching his face.

"God…" he muttered. "I am _not_ that guy, okay? I get that I can be an ass, but I'm not the guy who's going to make you into _that_ girl. I am not my father." His stormy blue eyes bored into her green ones, lit up with hope as she slowly comprehended what he was saying. "If you ever, somehow, got pregnant, I would _be there_, dammit! If _anything_ at all ever happens with _us_, I'm not going leave you alone!" He shook his head, loosening his grip on her arm a bit. "I mean, Peyton…"

_**xxvii**__. say my name_

_and I can't fight it anymore_

She knew what he meant. She also knew how very hard it was for him to say and how very much he meant it. She could hear it in the way he said her name, her full first name. She pulled her arms from his hands only to wrap them around his neck, pulling him into a kiss.

She could dig up all the excuses she wanted, but they both knew that she what she really wanted was _this_.

_**xxviii**__. oh, I know I should go_

_but I need your touch _

_just too damn much_

In the backseat of her car, he pulled down the strap of her tank top of kiss her bare shoulder, and her skirt rode up, bunching around her hips as she straddled him and sighed, her mouth finding his again.

"We shouldn't be doing," she muttered half -heartedly, her one last protest. He pulled back, his eyebrows flying upward, and she grinned, shaking her head. "But…oh yeah, we should."

Nathan grinned back, his hand slipping under her shirt. "_This_ is the kind of biology I'm talking about."

"Shut up and kiss me," she murmured back.

_**xxix**__. loving you, that isn't really something _

_I should do_

_shouldn't want to spend my time with you_

They were making out on his bed that evening when she met his father.

His house had become her escape as of late, away from Karen's worry and disapproval, away from Lucas' anger. She was lying half on top of her, his hand creeping up her shirt, fingers dancing along her spine, a movie forgotten as it played quietly on his TV.

And then Dan Scott walked in without knocking.

She gasped, turning to stare at him. Her cheeks turned pink with embarrassment and her stomach flipped, just because this was the man. The man who'd broken Karen's heart, who'd fathered the two most important boys in her life, the man Nathan didn't want to be.

He frightened her, and not like his son did, not in a good way.

"Nice work, son," he said simply, and she rolled away from Nathan, yanking her shirt down.

"Dad, get the hell out."

"Nathan, don't be rude," Dan scolded casually. "Introduce me to your…friend."

He sighed heavily, reaching for her hand. She grasped his thankfully. "Dad, Peyton. Peyton, my dad."

"Hi," she whispered nervously.

Dan nodded slowly. "Miss Sawyer. The pleasure's all mine."

She gave him a long, hard look, wondering how exactly he'd learned her surname. He had to know who she was, who she was living with, who her mother figure was. He had to know that she hated him by association.

She looked down at her fingers, linked perfectly with Nathan's, and thought that it felt like a betrayal to the home she'd grown up in.

_**xxx**__. well, I should try to be strong_

_I should try to be strong_

"Sorry about my dad," Nathan said quietly about ten minutes later as they laid together on his bed, her head resting on his chest. "He's such a perv."

"Don't worry about it," she replied faintly, doodling on his chest with her pinkie finger as she stared at the movie playing out on the screen.

"I need a shower," Nathan sighed, kissing the crown of her head. "Wanna join me?"

She smiled but shook her head. "I actually…I think I might go home."

"Okay…" he trailed off, seeming to sense that she was about to bolt. "I'll see you tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"Peyton…" His eyes searched hers. "I want to tell people about us."

Her heart melted and her fears dissipated. She sighed. There was no easy way out, she was in too deep and they had gone too far. She couldn't convince herself not to want him. "Okay," she whispered, tilting her head up for a quick kiss. "Tomorrow. I'll see you.'

_**xxxi**__. but, baby, you're the right kind of wrong_

_(right kind of wrong)_

"Luke?"

The look in his eyes when he saw her standing in his doorway with tears on her cheeks was so familiar that it made her heart ache. His anger was gone and concern was left in its place. "Peyton? Hey…what's wrong?" His eyes darkened. "Did Nathan do something?"

She shook her head, biting on her lower lip to keep it from trembling.

"Peyton," he said softly, an apology in that simple word. It was strange how both he and his brother could pull that off. "Come here."

She all but dove into his arms, clinging to him and holding on tightly. She let him hold her for a couple minutes as a tear escaped from one of her eyes and trailed down her cheek.

"I want to be with him, Luke," she said softly, glancing up at him. "But I really don't want to hurt you and I…I don't know what to _do_. I love you both."

Lucas was silent for a moment. "You love him?" he asked, the shock evident in his voice.

She shrugged. She hadn't actually meant to phrase it like that. "I think that I could."

He sighed heavily. "I just want you to be happy, Peyt."

"I could be. If you didn't hate who I'm with."

"Peyton, I…it's just that you picked the one guy in the school who I can't stand, who I have this crazy history with. I know you guys have…chemistry, but God, you have some serious chemistry with Brooke, too! And I'd rather you hooked up with her than Nathan!"

"_Rather_?" She arched an eyebrow. "Dude, that's like your dream come through."

He relaxed into a smile momentarily, wearing a playfully dreamy smile. "True that."

"Lucas!" she grimaced, nudging his shoulder with her own to make him stop.

"Okay. Sorry. But seriously, Peyt…I don't want you to get hurt."

She bit her lip. "The only person hurting me right now is you," she told him gently.

Lucas groaned. "That is so unfair."

Peyton giggled reluctantly. "Yeah, maybe a little. Is it going to work?"

He sighed, leaning down and kissing her temple the way he always had when he wanted to comfort her. "Yeah, it is. If he makes you happy, then be happy. You deserve it."

_**xxxii**__. baby, you're the right kind of wrong_

_baby, you're the right kind of wrong_

"Guess who."

She smiled as Nathan's hands covered her eyes, shaking them off and turning to face him. "Maybe my boyfriend?"

He grinned. "Hey, you."

"Hey back," she said lightly, slipping her hand into his, declaring to the rest of the student body that they were together.

"So, we should probably actually go to Bio today, huh?" Nathan asked as they walked down the hallway, the sound of the bell drowning out the middle of his sentence.

"Probably," she sighed, winking at him.

He reached over, taking her other hand in his as well as the hallway emptied out. "Come here," he said, leading her into a more secluded corner.

"I thought we were _going_ to class," she giggled.

"We can be a couple minutes late," he said huskily, one of his hands getting buried in her curls as he kissed her.

"Sounds good," she laughed back against his lips.

He pulled back and took a moment to stare at her, one hand still playing with her hair, the other resting lightly on her hip. "I don't do this, you know?" he said slowly. "Falling in love. It's not…me. It's not…right."

Smirking slightly, she hooked her thumbs through his belt loops, leaning up to kiss him again. "So then let it be wrong," she said easily.

_yeah, baby, you're the right kind of wrong_


End file.
